I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
