Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
