i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
