Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize