just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
