Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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