Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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