The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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