Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It's just like the Real World with babies
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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