She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You're a waste of cheezeits
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
And then my night got REAL pukey
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
