I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
