i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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