The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
