i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
