Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize