sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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