Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
