I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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