I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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