He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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