I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
