Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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