He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
