Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
