i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
COCAINE IS GR8
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
