Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
