Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
