On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Randomize
