planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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