i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
