So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
