but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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