I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
