At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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