Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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