So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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