somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
