So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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