Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
