I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
