apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
