We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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