so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
