I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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