Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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