Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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