wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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