Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
