she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
