Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
