I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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