Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
