I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
