He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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