Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
