I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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