i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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