Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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