I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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