Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
