I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The feeling are messing with the penis
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
