I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
