What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We are two peas in an std pod
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
