so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
