I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
