Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
