Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
