note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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